It's 12:30 AM and I don't have anything to do, but I don't wanna sleep either so I guess I'll write a post. Second semester sure is going swell. Apps are totally finished, my grades turned out exactly how I thought they would, and this semester is really easy so far. I honestly don't even mind going to school now, cause everything just feels so stress free (minus Lerner). Whatever happens when acceptances/rejections come out I don't think I'll mind too much. The only thing stressing me out right now is getting all my shit together for Mr. Key Club but its not like theres horrible consequences if I don't do well. Finally got a chance to really enjoy the clubhouse with TAG today, cooked ramen and played random games. Once we get the TV in it'll be all good.
Most of all, this semester I've been able to keep the thought of her from my mind. It hasn't been easy. I sort of had to force myself not to think about her, but I'm not as unstable as I was last semester. No more long drives with emo music or random tearing. She doesn't conquer my thoughts 90% of the day anymore. After eight months of trying it looks like I'm finally ready to let go. It does make me sad that I don't talk to her as much as I used to though, but I knew that the feelings I had would eventually compromise our friendship somehow. I guess theres nothing left to do but move on and hope whatever comes next will be good for me; I just hope I'll never have to go through this again. Theres a lot of tension I don't feel anymore, I've easily been able to stop smoking since the day she left. I do have to admit though, that I never figured out whether or not she felt the same way and I wonder from time to time.
Despite all this optimism, I have to admit I'm still scared to graduate. I won't see 99% of the kids in school ever again after that day. I've noticed a lot of people are starting to cling tighter to those who mean the most to them and drifting away from everyone else. I guess I'm not the only one who's scared. I've noticed that I'm close to very few non-TAG people. It doesn't bug me at all that I tend to hang out with the same few people nearly everyday.
Enough thoughts for now, sleep soon!
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3 comments:
yay marvy i'm happy for you! i'm scared of graduating too.. but you know i'll follow you whereever you go >D
i'm stepping into that clubhouse whether you like it or not. you can't keep me out. you know it.
ME TOOO. I wish i was like you, not being stressed about rejection/acceptance letters. today I received my first one from smith. I didn't even plan on going so i didn't pay hahaha. But seeing it made me scared. =x Im gladddd youre happy again. atleast somewhat.
dude i cant even bear to read this. When I got to Mr. KEyclub, i was like fuck. All your hard work, gone. I'm sorry.
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