Keep Pushin'

"Its a little like …restlessness…
Ranging from the antsy feeling you get while your sitting at home on a Friday night
to the kickin and tossin that you do because no matter how much you want to find it,
there is just no more cool spots left on the bed tonight.

Still that’s a little tame by comparison…
Its kinda like wanting to burst out of your skin…
to move time forward to grab hold of what you want coming to you because you just can’t wait any longer. You want and you wish and you plead yourself to move
but
vague ambition and unfocused ideas keeps you stationary with just the grinding of your teeth
and the clenching of your fist as the reward of such wasted energies.

But it doesn’t end there…
it is also something like the shadows casted by self doubt and a fear that’s gripping your neck making it difficult to breath at best and at worst there is the option of letting it all go and settle into a life less than average.

Excitement maybe…?
The kind that makes you want to scream because it can’t come soon enough.
All the kiddish and fever like excitment from being in line for rides at Disneyland or having only five minute left before it’s time to go downstairs for Christmas.

The intensity in the moment right before your first kiss to the
release…
you feel when everything worked out just right. A pot boiling with only your strength holding onto the lid.

Frustration might come to mind…
but not just frustration…because getting a test question you don’t have the answer to or waiting in traffic causes frustration. This is frustration in a way that makes you dig your nails into your skin or punch a hole in the wall because you want to make physical the FRUSTRATION that you fight or beat with a stick.

Because
You wake up every morning and it’s all there…
You hope the person you see in the mirror and the life he leads is the amazing art work you’ve painted in your head filled with full filled potential and the ideals and promises you’ve projected onto yourself. It’ll be with you when you go to sleep at night. It keeps you moving and it holds you back depending on the day.
it keeps you wondering…

if
it’s always
and going to be
that way."

-FENG