Deserts Eating Oceans

"We sleep alone in our beds
Waiting for our eyes to fall in rest.
Remember when we used to think
That all of our childhood dreams would fall into place
By some heavenly grace.
But now I can see I've made a big mistake"

It's hard to believe. Waiting day in and day out thinking about the same thing, checking up on it multiple times daily. When you finally get an answer, its what you feared the most. I believed that, against all odds, the one thing I wanted the most right now would come to me simply because I desperately prayed for it. I stood by idly, waiting week after week after, meeting one wave of rejection after the other, only to feel apathetic to every last one. Until now. I must have checked the website at least 5+ times daily. I've had the craziest insomnia for about a month just thinking about it. I would stay up simply planning for what I had thought would be my future. The people I'd be with, where I'd live, the things I'd be a part of. I'd scheme and scheme and scheme, I knew exactly what I wanted to accomplish in the next 4 years. Over this past month I essentially developed a sort of tunnel vision, but what do you do when the tunnel ends? Despite the odds being stacked against me, I'm still in disbelief. I imagined a life so perfect ahead, and in one sentence a total stranger has shot me down. It's almost as if a part of me has died on the inside. So where do I go from here? I honestly loathe all of the other options open to me. I have to persist but even then it might not be enough.

What does it take? I'll give it everything I've got